Artemis

I need to start working on myself. Take my health into my own hands. I need to make some doctor appointments, plan some yoga and bike rides, plan some time with friends. Making decisions and calling for these things is overwhelming for me and causes panic. So it is challenge, always, but it is the only way to make me feel better. So here is my plan. Step 1: Research and find a counselor that will help with my anxiety and panic. Research a yoga place that has restorative yoga, the only kind I can do for now. Step 2: Call/go online and make the following appointments: ob/gyn, general practitioner, dentist, physical therapy, therapy, yoga, health insurance to see what they cover. Step 3: Check my calendar to figure out when I can make plans with some of my besties that live far and near. I need friend therapy badly. I won't set a timeline, because if I don't achieve it, it will cause me to feel even more anxious. But these all will get done. And writing them down on h...

Sometimes my mind goes a mile a minute and I can't stop it. If it isn't the pain, it is my anxiety that keeps me up at night. I think of every worst case scenario for every situation in my life and question every thing I've ever said, even things I said 5 years ago. If someone changes plans on me, I panic. I will probably be fine with it 5 minutes, but it's the change that causes panic. It is hard how it impacts relationships. It causes me to question everything, to be angry or sad for no reason but what my head comes up with. I wish things were different, I wish I could turn this off. Yet, this makes me me. Just another thing that makes me strong... and makes me complain on a blog.

I'm not sure I sleep. At least, it doesn't ever really feel like it. So on nights like tonight when I have a big to-do list that needs to be accomplished before I leave for MT in 3 days, I let myself cave to the tired. I don't have the energy to do anything. I played with my nephew and niece today. We hugged and laughed and read and colored. I think that is a pretty accomplished day. And 8 o'clock seems like a pretty good bedtime to me.