Artemis

I haven't slept much lately. There is just so much on my mind.  My breakup is on my mind. It's been 2 months and we are friends and have been spending time together outside of work. And the longer we are separated, the more I know that we shouldn't be together, and the more I know how much I love him and miss him. It's complicated and confusing.  My aunt was diagnosed with stage 3 colon cancer, my dad's sister. That side of the family just hasn't had a good past few years with loss. I am remaining hopeful that she will beat this, I don't think any of us can handle another loss in our family.  My boss is leaving at work. She got promoted and it is great for her and I really like her replacement, but she is the best boss I've ever had. And she's my friend. And I am just not ready for her to go.  My insurance doesn't cover either of my doctors, so now I am trying to find a new internal med doctor, who in turn will refer me to my curren...

Sometimes I wonder if I talk about my pain too much. Sometimes I wonder if I don't talk about my pain enough. I don't think anyone understands it. And I wonder if I talked about it more, then they would get it. Or do I talk about it too much and make people wish that I would just shut up? I don't know. It gets so frustrating that people don't get it. I wish instead of suggesting I can go on a walk that would require going uphill, they would just understand that would be too painful. Instead of always encouraging that exercise will help, realizing that I can't do it without being in so much pain later that I won't be able to walk at all, or if I can walk, I trip a lot or almost fall down stairs because the pain is too much. I just want someone to understand. I want someone that gets it. I know the pain isn't going away, so I want people to just listen and get it. But I don't know how to make that happen. I don't know if that ever can happen, not if t...