Endo-fucking-metriosis
It's the second month in a row that I've had cramps and back pain. Back to back months hasn't happened in a long time... in years, actually. It's so easy to forget that I have a chronic disease when the pain and other symptoms aren't there. And so for a long time, I kind of forgot. I think one way of accepting that this disease is in my body and of dealing with the pain is by talking about it more... and by swearing, I think swearing might help. It's not a shameful thing and I really don't care who knows I have it.
I don't know how I dealt with this pain when I was so young and for so long. Right now it's not even close to the worst cramps I've ever had, in fact these are pretty minor. Yet, they fucking suck. However, the back pain is worse than I remember it being when I was younger. Growths in a new place? It's possible. With cramps, sometimes if I apply pressure or sit a certain way, it can take the edge off a bit. With the back pain, nothing takes the edge off. No matter how I sit, no matter what I do, it's constantly there. Ugh. Heating pads do help, but not when they are at a different house than I'm at. And I forgot about the pain that radiates down my legs, why does that happen? It's so fricken weird.
So I guess that part of my New Year's plan is also accepting, acknowledging and relearning how to deal with pain that seems to once again be common.
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