Artemis

I don't tell many people that my nerve pain has been back, most days, all day. I don't want anyone to think my surgery wasn't worth it, wasn't a success. I know it was. I trust fully in my doctor, the only doctor I have ever trusted. I rarely have cramps and contraction like pains. My back pain is different back pain now. I believe that he cut out all of the disease in surgery. I still get some adhesion pain, but that's to be expected because I probably have even more scar tissue now.  But as my physical therapist said, nerve pain is often the result in this disease. And nerve pain isn't something that goes away. With the help of medication and physical therapy, I can make it better, but I can't make it go away. It's a hard decision to make. I don't want to be on drugs forever and I can't afford to go to physical therapy all the time and health insurance only covers so much of it. I am at a crossroads, trying to figure out how to do this. Tr...

Today I am tired. Yesterday I was tired. Tomorrow I will probably be tired. I am just always so tired. I'd like to say it's because I don't get enough sleep or sleep poorly (which is certainly part of it), but this kind of tired doesn't get better with sleep. Chronic fatigue is a symptom of endometriosis. It is also a symptom of generalized anxiety disorder. Apparently when your mind can't turn off worrying and your body can't turn off pain, it makes you tired. All. the. time.  I often think, "I don't have a reason to be this tired. I didn't run 10 miles. I don't have kids and a full time job. I am not a single parent. I don't work on my feet all day long. I shouldn't be this tired. Those people should be this tired." Yet, I am. Always. I am not sure there will ever be a way for that to change. Yoga, meditation, long bike rides. Sure, that will help me sleep and maybe even help turn off my mind. But it can't take away the e...

Things have been churning. I think it's time to stop internalizing all my thoughts and instead, write. There are a lot of things that I don't know who to tell, about my diseases, about my pain, about life. I am going to tell my blog. Let's see what happens.