Looking Back

My nanny experience may not have been perfect. I was always stressed, unhappy, lonely and depressed. It was hard. But through all of that, there is one thing I will never doubt, and that is how much I loved and still love those girls. I recently found the letters I wrote and left behind for them when I left, along with scrapbooks for each of them. Here they are:

"Dear S,

Hey there my little sunshine. You are old enough to understand why it is I have to leave, but that doesn’t make it any easier. Please know that I am not leaving because of you, I am doing what is best for me. And know that I love you very much.

You and I struggled a lot with each other, I would get frustrated with you and you would get mad at me. But even through all those times, I still enjoyed being your nanny. You were a blessing. You challenged me everyday and made me fall in love with you. We teased and laughed and played. We always had fun together.

I will always remember you and your love. I will remember playing “giggle belly”, watching movies and eating popcorn, our “slumber parties”. I will remember our art projects, our trips, all of our fun times. I will remember you wiping away my kisses, but I know that they really stuck forever.

I hope that you always remember me and our time together. I will always remember it. I will think about you all the time and miss you so much. If you start to forget, which will happen and it is okay, I hope your mom and dad remind you of me. Help Sienna remember me, she is too little to remember on her own. Be kind to her, she will be the best thing in your life.

When you are sad about my having to go, hug the bear I made you (Cuddlie) and I will hug the one you made me (Noel Michelle) whenever I miss your hugs. And make sure to listen to the cd and remember our good times, and listen to the last three songs when you are missing me.
I love you little girl, and never forget that.

Love your nanny,
C"

"Dear Baby S,

My little peanut, my little love; I know you won’t remember me long after I leave, but I want you to look at this book often and know that I love you very much. I was blessed to be with you for the most important year of your life. I wish I could have stayed with you forever, you made everyday brighter.

I will remember everything about you. I will remember your first smile, you first laugh, your first sound; the first time you sat up, your first tooth, the first time you crawled; I will remember your first time eating cereal and vegetables. I will remember the first time you shook your head no, your first steps, the first time you called me “Caca”, and eventually, occasionally, C. No matter how frustrated you would make me, all you had to do was smile and I would forget all the troubles in the world.

I want you to know that this year of my life meant so much to me and it was because you were in it. I hope that your mom, dad and sister show you this book often and tell you who I am, about our year together and how much you mean to me.

I know you are too young now to understand this, but I hope someday you know that being your nanny was a blessing. I will never forget you and I will carry your love, smiles and hugs with me for the rest of my life. Thanks for letting me be a part of your life. I will think about you everyday. I will miss you so much. Keep smiling and keep being happy. Keep using your cute little face to get your way. If your sister is mean to you, I give you permission to be mean back:). But most importantly, love her, she is a great sister and one day you will realize she is the best thing in your life.

I love you more than you could ever know.

Love always, your very first nanny,
C"

I miss them.