Advice Time

I am asking for your advice. I am presented with a problem that I am not sure how to handle. It is about S. She listens to me wonderfully all day, with her normal child mistakes and occasional warnings and time-outs. As soon as her parents come home, that is out the window and I am reaching my breaking point. It really has to do with the fact they don't discipline her AT ALL! For example, the other day S was sitting on the back cushion of the couch and was squishing it. Her mom told her to get off, but S didn't listen (as usual). The mother then pulled the cushion out from her and S just sat there and watched her. No telling her not to do it again. No time-out. Nothing. I discipline S. I feel that it is a very important. So all the things I tell her not to do, she does them THE SECOND her parents walk in the door. I tell her not to sit on the arm of the couch, she looks at her mom, then at me and stays there. I tell her not to go in the baby's seat (with its 30 lb. limit and she is 45 lbs.), she looks at mom and then does it. I tell her to get off the counter, so I pick her up so she can see, she kicks me so I put her down, then climbs up on the counter. All as soon as her parents get home. Making it even worse, S looks at me with the look of "Ha, ha, I won't get in trouble with my mom/dad even though they tell me not to do it too." And for the rest of the evening until I go upstairs, she is rude/whiny/crabby towards me. And her parents do nothing about it. They just let her get away with not listening and being rude to me. I won't put up with this complete disrespect towards me and don't think I should have to. And not only is it disrespectful towards me, it is towards her parents, S should not feel that she can do whatever she wants when they are around. But they let her get away with murder, so it is no wonder she feels that way. It is to the point that if she keeps being disrespectful to me, it is something that could make me reconsider my job because like I said, I am almost at my breaking point. I have already told S twice this week that she can not be like that with me. What I need advice on is should I talk to the parents about this? I think I should, however, how do I do it without telling them they need to discipline their child? That is not up to me to tell them. But the issue of her not listening to me and being rude goes hand in hand with the discipline issue, as does the issue of her thinking when they are home, she can do whatever she wants. I need to tell them I won't put up with her disrespect towards me, do I also tell them about the disrespect to them as well? And how do I do all this? So many questions... I really need some advice on this.

Comments

teacherwoman said…
First, I would talk to the parents about this. Tell them your concerns, and how it is hard for you to discipline her if she gets away with it in their presence. Then, hopefully you all will come to a consensus as to how to make it better.
Then, I would ask the parents if you all, including S, could sit down and discuss it and make some rules/guidelines.
You are a very good disciplinarian, cdoc, but I know it is hard when the parents don't. Hopefully they will listen and agree with your concerns and be willing to work with you as a team. I can see how it can be frustrating and wearing on your enjoyment of your job. Just keep your head up and let us know how it goes!
Anonymous said…
How old is she? 5, keep that in mind. When you were 5, you did the same thing with your sisters and us! It's a test! Granted, you need some consistence, so talk to the parents.
Have you considered not hanging around with the family when you are done for the day? Or is that difficult to do?
Love and miss ya
Ddoc
Anonymous said…
I agree with both teacherwoman and ddoc. Talk with them about it and then have another talk with S there. Keep it in terms of what works with her during the day and then how it is different at night. Perhaps, then, you can help them see the light without telling them how to parent. That isn't your job, nor is it your job to discipline her when they are home. Over time, I think it will get better, but not without some tweaking.
cdoc said…
All good advice. I thought of all the same things, but when someone else says it, it just helps. Before I wrote the entry this morning, I had already talked to S and told her that she needs to still listen and be nice to me when her parents are here. Tonight, she did. Coincidence? Maybe. Or a good day. Or she listened for just today and it will wear off. We will see. I will talk to the parents, I just don't know when. As for hanging around the family, even if I don't eat with them (which I don't always), I still need to tell the parents about the kids day and before I get to do that, S is already acting up. We will see how it all goes. Thanks.
Anonymous said…
I'm telling you - kick her. That's what I would do.

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