"I've lost the only love worth fighting for"

My boyfriend of almost 6 months broke up with me on Friday. And my heart hurts. I know what a lot of you may be thinking, it wasn't even 6 months yet, how bad can it be! But for those of you that really know me, you know that that short amount of time is more than enough time for me to know that I was in love with him. In college, my two BFFs talked about how I would meet someone some day and fall in love and be married after 6 months. I thought they were crazy. But they were right, I could have married my boyfriend. I don't think I was quite ready for that, but I know that if he would have asked, I would have been ready right then and there. But more so, I could have had babies with him. And again, for those of you that really know me, that is a bigger deal to me than marriage.


According to the laws of SATC, I have three months to get over him. That amount of time seems absurd when you loved someone, when you could have married them, when you could have had babies with them. So I will wallow in my self-pity for exactly 3 months, which at that time I will work on moving on. I will still love him long after that, but 3 months seems a reasonable time to hurt, be sad, eat lots of ice cream, and cry.


I haven't cried since Friday night though. There have been moments where the tears have come to my eyes, but they haven't actually fallen. I think it is because I am not bitter about this. He was honest with me. He cried as much as me (in that moment). I was comforting him as much as he was comforting me. He really wanted things to work with us, he said we are a perfect match. He just didn't feel as strong for me as I did for him. Stupid jerk. Why did he have to be so honest, caring and sincere about it all? It makes it SO much easier to get over someone when they are a complete ass that makes you hate them. I don't hate him. I feel sad for him too. Because we both lost someone that we wanted to be the one. And we both lost our best friend. Never easy.


I will do my best to let myself wallow these next few weeks/months. After that, I will push up my sleeves and try to move on, although it will be a long while after that before I can see myself even dating again. But I won't stop loving him for long after those 3 months, if ever. A first love stays with you forever.

Comments

BDoc said…
You are one strong lady. But letting yourself feel sad is important. So cry and eat ice cream (I'll eat some for you too) and get back to your happy and loveable self for you have so much to offer someone. And yourself.

And get a dog - they are the most loving, loyal and sweet creatures - could probably beat any man!
6/30/2008 10:05 AM
teacherwoman said…
I will admit, from experience, it can be easier getting over someone when it ends on a bad note and he is a complete jerk. But, it still takes time and there is still healing that needs to happen. You are a strong person, just like bdoc said, and you will grow from this experience... whether you realize that now or not. Something good will come out of this! :)
6/30/2008 2:22 PM
Holly said…
I'm so very sad to hear that things didn't work out for you. I have no doubt that this is just one of those stumbling blocks that's going to help you get where you really need to be - life is funny (and stupid) that way.
6/30/2008 4:23 PM
Girl of Approval said…
I'm so sorry hon. Cry all you want, wallow all you want, but make sure that you get up one day and realize that you're fabulous and that you will find the one you can have babies with...

*hugs*
7/02/2008 9:45 AM
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