Four Sleeps

Yesterday most of the jealousy had gone away. I liked the n.n. Baby S really liked her. S was at least talking to her. N.n. was talking more and I was actually enjoying her company. Today started well, but then all of a sudden, I started to feel competitiveness, not just on my part, but on hers too. It seemed like there was a competition going on about who could get Baby S' attention more, who got to hold her more, who got to wake her up and feed her and change her. I was really trying to not be like that, but I swear she was doing it too. I don't want to be like this. I really do like her. And I think she is doing pretty well. At least with Baby S. She already loves her, Baby S is easy to fall in love with. I am not sure how she is with S yet. She seems excited with the baby, but not so much with S. And everytime S asks her to do something, she does it quick and then passes it on to me and goes to play with Baby S. I hope that changes, I don't want S to lose the amount of attention she gets once I leave. The sadness has really hit and the first tears have been shed on my part. I keep whispering in Baby S' ear that I am taking her with me. And I am telling her that I love her as much as I can, maybe if I say it enough she won't forget, maybe she will feel my love. And S, I keep giving her kisses. She wipes them off but I insist that you can't wipe of kisses, they stick forever. I have to believe that, so she can feel my love too.

Comments

Anonymous said…
I am sure that she will be fine with both girls, once you are gone. They will be taken care of. Come Saturday morning, you will have to let go and move on with your life. The whole family will miss you, because you have been a big part of their lives.

We are all looking forward to having you back.

Love MDoc
11/14/2006 8:39 PM
Girl of Approval said…
Just think of how your mommy and daddy felt when you left them... now it's time to come back home. Those girls will be loved and you can always love them from afar. :)

Just not in a creepy way. ;0

Perhaps you could talk to the n.n. about how you are feeling, get it out into the open about how hard this is for you. Honesty is beauty.
11/15/2006 6:29 AM
teacherwoman said…
Ah...the memories of staying up late and packing...with a glass of "wine"! So much fun! I am sorry that I won't be there to help you pack this time...I wish I was there!!
11/15/2006 6:59 AM
Anonymous said…
Good luck with the move Cdoc! You will be fine. I'm sure your parents and sisters are happy to have you closer! Have a safe trip and a happy thanksgiving! Love ya!
11/15/2006 8:35 PM
Anonymous said…
I think it's a great idea to talk to n.n. Maybe she will start to have some compassion for you when you leave the girls. You could even ask her for a little time with them alone so that you can say your goodbyes. Wow, I'm choking up thinking about it. Children are resilient though and they will get through. It's you I'm worried about ;-)

Love you Cdoc.
11/17/2006 10:29 AM
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