Tick, tock, tick, tock

Things are getting harder. At least that is why I assume things are "bad" with the kids. It's just like what I do when I have to leave my family. I get angry. I pick fights. I know it is coming, so I try not to get angry, but I can't seem to help it. I guess it is my way of trying to make it easier to leave, although it doesn't work. I think that is what this is. The girls aren't being any worse than usual, but suddenly this week S has been on more time outs than she has in the past month and Baby S seems crabbier than ever. My guilt is building, I feel like I am abandoning them, especially Baby S. I am all she has ever known. And I can't stand the thought of someone new here to take my place in 4 days. I have to spend a week with her, watch her for a week taking over my job, having the girls love her and want her instead of me. And it seems torturous. I am still happier and as anxious as ever to get out of here, but I wish I could keep the baby as my own. But once again, they aren't mine. And I will get past this. The anxiety is building about all that I need to get done before I leave. I get so overwhelmed that I tend to do nothing, which only makes it seem like the list is growing. I haven't started to pack. I haven't even started to go through things. I haven't finished the girls' scrapbooks I meant to have done over a week ago; hell, I haven't even started Baby S'. It is creeping up so fast and I feel like I am drowning in my to do list.

Comments

Anonymous said…
I tend to feel overwhelmed by my to do list too. Just fly lady it. Work for fifteen minutes on something, anything. And you'll feel better. Take a five minute break and keep going if you can. You can do anything for fifteen minutes after all. Except hold your breath.
11/08/2006 8:17 AM
Anonymous said…
I tend to feel overwhelmed by my to do list too. Just fly lady it. Work for fifteen minutes on something, anything. And you'll feel better. Take a five minute break and keep going if you can. You can do anything for fifteen minutes after all. Except hold your breath.
11/08/2006 8:18 AM
Girl of Approval said…
Breathe and start something. Get done what is most important.
11/08/2006 9:42 AM
cdoc said…
I decided to add more to my list by accepting a babysitting job on Saturday night for another family. I love the little girl and I have wanted to babysit her for a long time. What can I say, I a glutton for punishment.
11/08/2006 10:41 AM
Girl of Approval said…
You are crazy. :P
11/09/2006 12:22 AM
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