Sweet Caroline

Almost every Thursday night for the past 3 years, I have taken care of a sweet little girl. But really, most of the time it's like spending time with a friend. She is such a little adult, always has been. When she was only 5, I would go over there after a day of taking care of kids and we would sit down, have dinner and just talk. She didn't expect to be constantly entertained as most kids that age do. She just wanted to spend time with me. And I wanted, and still want, to spend time with her.

However, the older she gets, the more she reminds that she is just a child. Tonight, she whined, cried and threw fits just like every child I've seen. But unlike every other child, she actually has good reason. She has gone through more than most kids her age should ever have to deal with. She has acute pancreatitis. It's a disease that I don't really understand. I try, and by now I should understand it, but I don't really. I mean, I understand the definition and what isn't working in her body, but I can't understand it in person when all you want to do is provide some sort of relief for this sweet girl that is in severe pain. I'm not sure anyone can understand that.

What saddens me most is how she has learned how to "deal" with the pain, how now it is somehow normal for her. How she will forever be able to handle more pain than most people. I get that. I hate that she will get comments like the ones I have, from doctors even, like "well, at least some day labor will be seem easy for you." No one should have to have feel so much pain that you get used to it.

She is 8 years old now, her birthday was last week. She celebrated by getting out of the hospital. Tonight I was just supposed to drop off her birthday gift and not babysit because her grandparents were there. Instead, I hung out with her for almost 3 hours even though I wasn't getting paid. When she whined and cried and threw a fit and acted like a child, I did exactly what she wanted and stayed. Because she deserves to act like a child. And because I will always remember how the last time she was sick (and ended up in the hospital that very night), she still wanted me to babysit and when I walked in the door, she hugged me and said, "just seeing you makes me feel better." So for her, and only her, I will cave when she throws a fit.