Asked again

They asked me to stay. Again. They told me that they know it is not about money, but they offered me a $50 raise per week. They said if I could just stay until next summer, then his parents will be up here and they will watch the kids. I told her I would think about it. But I don't need to think about it. I know what I want, I want to go back home. I want my friends. I want my family. But why did they have to do this? Don't they know how hard it was for me in the first place? I get emotionally attached to cars and trees and blankets and stuffed animals, how can they not know how attached I am to the kids? But the truth is, they don't know much about me. They don't know how depressed I am. They don't know why I can't sleep at night. They don't know that not one, but two doctors told me they are worried about my mental health because I am working too many hours and am far from home. They don't know how I put my whole life on hold for them, to raise their girls. I put my dreams of photography on hold. I put dating on hold. I left my friends. I left my family. Staying would not be good for me. I know this isn't just about their struggles in finding a new nanny, I know that they really like me and don't want me to go. How do I bring it up again? They also don't realize how much I struggled with telling them the first time. Now I need to tell them yet again that I want to leave. And that I still want to be out of here by the previously discussed time. Even if they like me, I don't know how they could do this to me. I know that they have been burned by all their previous nannies, I know that they had a huge deal with a woman they almost gave the job to, I know that they don't want to uproot their children's lives. But why did they have to do this to me? It just isn't fair. If it were about the money, as my Mom put it, I would be making a lot, but my Dad put it best when he said he wants me back home. And I want to be back home.