I don't know if I am ready for this.

When I gave the parents a little more than 3 months to find someone new, I figured that was how much time they would need. I think that I also needed 3 months to be ready for this. They may have already found someone else. Last night the mom (L) met with a woman from Brazil that already lives in the area with family. And she already met the girls and loved them. L said that she is very nice and that S liked her. The woman has another interview tomorrow and will let L know in the next week if she wants the job. I must admit, for selfish reasons, I kind of hope she turns it down. The main reason is that she wants to start the job as soon as possible. L told her that it wouldn't be at least until October, but still. That is a whole month or more before I was planning on leaving and that freaks me out. I am not ready for this. I still have so many things to do, pay off at least one credit card, buy a car, find a job, pack, make the girls a scrapbook. Those are just physical things, but emotionally, I am not ready either. I planned on a certain amount of time to be with the girls, I needed that time to be okay with leaving them. I have so much I want to do with them, places I want to take them. I still need to teach S how to tie her shoes and how to count money and I still need to teach Baby S how to say my name for real and how to walk. Those are my goals before I leave, and with one month less, I don't know if they will be accomplished. I am also a little hurt by how fast they found someone new. I know that is dumb, but they told me how I am part of the family, how I am the best nanny they ever had, how hard it will be to find someone new because I set the bar so high. But I guess that those are just words, after all, I am just an employee. And it bothers me how quickly they offered this person the job. Did they check references? Did she even work with kids before? I feel like the girls are my kids and I worried for their safety. I need those months to be ready for this. I didn't imagine how hurt I would be from all of this. But such is life.

Comments

Girl of Approval said…
Perhaps finishihg a scrapbook for the girls after you have gone will give them a nice gift to look at and remember you after you've gone. A surprise.

As far as being ready... you'll handle it, but then if you really think about it, would you be ready when the time actually came? Is it like pulling off a bandaid or getting shot? Even if the doctor says I'm going to do it on the count of three and sticks you on one, it still hurts.
8/15/2006 12:36 AM
cdoc said…
Good points, very good points. I would still like to finish the scrapbook before I leave and hide it somewhere for them to find later, I think it would be fun. But we will see if I can get it done by then. And you are right, it will hurt leaving no matter when I go, I just didn't expect them to find someone so fast. But like I said, I am an employee they need to replace, so what was I expecting?
8/15/2006 8:43 AM
Anonymous said…
You're more than an employee cdoc. I think you know that. But they need someone too. They probably feel a little desperation that was alleviated by finding someone and so they might have jumped the gun a little quickly and offered the job. If you try to look on the bright side (easy for me to say), the pressure to find someone will be off and they'll be able to enjoy their time with you in a more relaxed and natural way. In addition, they won't resent you for making it so difficult for them to find someone. Plus, though you might not like it, maybe they'll keep you around when the other one starts so that you can help her have some of the same habits you've created with the kids and they'll remember you as the first to do them. Just a thought ...

I'm so sorry this is hurtful though. I guess we didn't think it would be so uneventful for them to find someone new - it was just fortuitous in a way we didn't expect. Maybe it's a sign that this is meant to be???
8/15/2006 9:08 AM
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