Tonight's the night...

Tonight's the night. I am going to tell the parents I am leaving. That is, if I don't chicken out. I was going to do it last night, but the father came home saying "I am in a bad mood, I am so tired." I took that as a sign that last night wasn't the night. Hopefully I don't lose my nerve tonight. I am not so much nervous about telling them I am leaving, to be honest, I think they already know. For one thing, I told them when they asked me to stay that I wanted to go live with my sister but was still thinking about it and the mother has pointed out that she can see how strong my bond is with my sisters, so she has to suspect that I am going to leave. The hard part is knowing what to say. I replay it over and over and I can't decide on a time to tell them I am leaving. First it was December 15th, then it was November 3rd, then I decided to give them a range of Nov. 3rd-Dec.15th and let them choose the best time for them but emphasize on the sooner, the better. Then I talked to my dad and he said that is too big of a time frame to give them, it should be my choice and shorter if that is what I want. Now I am thinking about just giving them the frame of the month of November, again with emphasis on sooner, also telling them to let me know a date within a week or two because I need to know for future job purposes. It is hard to decide because it is a battle of shoulds and the wants. I should stay as long as I can because the extra money would be nice, however I want to leave November 3rd. And maybe I need to leave sooner, since this morning alone I yelled at the 5 year old (only second time since I have been here), had to let the baby cry in her crib because I was frustrated with her and needed to walk away and almosted kicked the dog because he woke the baby, all because I was angry with the parents for their lack of parenting. And if I needed a sign to leave, I got one today. The coffee shop I loved closed for no apparent reason, no warning, it just shut down. That may not sound like a big deal, but I loved that place, it was my sanctuary away from my job, I could sit there and read for hours and when I walked in the door, they would make my drink just the way I liked it without having to ask. So, tonight is the night. I am unsure of the time yet, but I am sure it will come to me when I sit down to talk to them. I know I will be uprooting their lives as well as their kid's, and possibly for the worse, but that is a chance I need to take so I can uproot my life for the better.

Comments

Anonymous said…
Good luck to you my sister. I am sending good vibes your way.
8/01/2006 2:10 PM
Girl of Approval said…
If you want it to be Nov 3rd, then you choose Nov. 3rd. They have plenty of time to find another nanny and god forbid, they'd actually have to parent on their own for a while. Perhaps mommy or daddy could take some time off work- you know, they don't need such a big house and their kids need parents, not the other way around.

Good luck, dear girl. We are rooting for you. You've been on a grand adventure and now it's time for the adventure to end as all great adventures must do.

Be steadfast. :)

*hugs*
8/01/2006 2:20 PM
cdoc said…
Update: I didn't tell them, so tonight's not the night. I am realizing there will always be something that comes up when there are 2 kids around. But I will tell them this week, I have to because I want to leave in 3 months.
8/01/2006 7:58 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder"

I was always a bit skeptic of this phrase. How can being away from a person make you fonder? With time, you will slowly start to forget the sound of their laughter and the scent of their hair. You will forget the way they dance and the way they like their toast. Sure, when you see them again, when they laugh or dance, all those things come rushing back. Being away may make you yearn for them, but you no longer know them as well as you used to. At least that is what I used to think. I should have know this phrase was true since whenever I would see my sisters again, it was like no time had passed. I don't know what it was that made me realize all that I took for granted, maybe it is being away from home for so long or my travel mishaps or my friend's car accident or maybe just that I am getting older, something made me see how I took everything for granted in my life before I came here. It was so easy, I could go up the stairs or across the hall or get in my car and spend a day
Read more

Target

I called my Mom to tell her that the parents are back and that I am responsibility-free in the evenings and weekends again. She didn't answer, but returned my phone call soon after. I told her my news, and she shared with me that she was about to head into the new Target. We are a family of Target-lovers, what's not to love? As she walked in, she said "it's huge." I tried talking to her, but could tell that she was distracted. She started to ask me something, "Did you... you should see the card section, it is like the one in Grand Forks." I, again, tried to change the subject back to what I was talking about. I finally let her go because she needed to finish shopping in there before returning home to watch Lost, throwing in "it has a Starbucks" before we said our goodbyes. A few minutes later my phone rings. It is my Mom again, she called to say "You should see all the food they have. They have a lot of organic food, organic oatmeal and or
Read more

What do I do?

All week I have made some attempt to tell the parents I am leaving. It started on Tuesday, all night I tried to tell them, but everytime I was about to bring it up, one of the parents would leave the room or the baby got hurt, etc. Wednesday, I made plans to go to the neighbors when the parents got home, but I made an attempt to tell them anyway, but S was glued to my side. I kept trying to distract her with food and television, but no go. I could have just said "I need to talk to you parents, go away", but I know her well enough to know that would have only peaked her interest and she would never go away. Last night, I was SO ready to tell them. The father asked me to watch the girls for 15 minutes while he weed-whacked the yard. I said sure, thinking the mother should be home any minute and then I could tell her when he is outside (I decided that if I can't tell them both at the same time, I will tell the mother alone). I waited and waited and waited. Not only was it 8
Read more