Tonight's the night...

Tonight's the night. I am going to tell the parents I am leaving. That is, if I don't chicken out. I was going to do it last night, but the father came home saying "I am in a bad mood, I am so tired." I took that as a sign that last night wasn't the night. Hopefully I don't lose my nerve tonight. I am not so much nervous about telling them I am leaving, to be honest, I think they already know. For one thing, I told them when they asked me to stay that I wanted to go live with my sister but was still thinking about it and the mother has pointed out that she can see how strong my bond is with my sisters, so she has to suspect that I am going to leave. The hard part is knowing what to say. I replay it over and over and I can't decide on a time to tell them I am leaving. First it was December 15th, then it was November 3rd, then I decided to give them a range of Nov. 3rd-Dec.15th and let them choose the best time for them but emphasize on the sooner, the better. Then I talked to my dad and he said that is too big of a time frame to give them, it should be my choice and shorter if that is what I want. Now I am thinking about just giving them the frame of the month of November, again with emphasis on sooner, also telling them to let me know a date within a week or two because I need to know for future job purposes. It is hard to decide because it is a battle of shoulds and the wants. I should stay as long as I can because the extra money would be nice, however I want to leave November 3rd. And maybe I need to leave sooner, since this morning alone I yelled at the 5 year old (only second time since I have been here), had to let the baby cry in her crib because I was frustrated with her and needed to walk away and almosted kicked the dog because he woke the baby, all because I was angry with the parents for their lack of parenting. And if I needed a sign to leave, I got one today. The coffee shop I loved closed for no apparent reason, no warning, it just shut down. That may not sound like a big deal, but I loved that place, it was my sanctuary away from my job, I could sit there and read for hours and when I walked in the door, they would make my drink just the way I liked it without having to ask. So, tonight is the night. I am unsure of the time yet, but I am sure it will come to me when I sit down to talk to them. I know I will be uprooting their lives as well as their kid's, and possibly for the worse, but that is a chance I need to take so I can uproot my life for the better.

Comments

Anonymous said…
Good luck to you my sister. I am sending good vibes your way.
8/01/2006 2:10 PM
Girl of Approval said…
If you want it to be Nov 3rd, then you choose Nov. 3rd. They have plenty of time to find another nanny and god forbid, they'd actually have to parent on their own for a while. Perhaps mommy or daddy could take some time off work- you know, they don't need such a big house and their kids need parents, not the other way around.

Good luck, dear girl. We are rooting for you. You've been on a grand adventure and now it's time for the adventure to end as all great adventures must do.

Be steadfast. :)

*hugs*
8/01/2006 2:20 PM
cdoc said…
Update: I didn't tell them, so tonight's not the night. I am realizing there will always be something that comes up when there are 2 kids around. But I will tell them this week, I have to because I want to leave in 3 months.
8/01/2006 7:58 PM
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